1. If you have children you have to survive the affair for their sakes. They are going to witness your pain and grief as well as feeling their own. It is a horrible time when the trauma of an affair hits a family, but that trauma eventually dissipates and what is left is a feeling of greyness and nothingness. Which leads me on to my next point.
2. Somehow you have to find the strength to make a new life (because the old life as you knew it has been destroyed) and make it technicolour! This is not going to happen over night. Try to focus on yourself and your children, try to establish new traditions. My child and I have started a new one where she cooks me a meal once a month. She is not even in her teens but she made a mean spaghetti bolognese! Also we plan days out together. An upside of all of this is that we have become closer.
3. The path to healing is not a straight one. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down and, oddly enough, some days can feel ordinary (although I have found those days few and far between at the moment). When you have those down days you can either ride them out or try and find a diversion. I find that going on the healing heart forum an absolute life saver. I cannot recommend their support enough. That forum definitely helps me to put the whole sordid thing in perspective and not shoulder the blame for their actions. I also find power walking a great diversion because the grief and stress that I am feeling comes out with every powerful step!
4. As a consequence of an affair, on some level you end up blaming yourself. I know I did and as a result I ended up being self-critical and self-loathing. Don't! It is not your fault your significant other chose to have an affair. It was their decision. Don't take on someone else's poor life choices as your own. Which leads me to my final point.
5. Realise the value of you. You are worthy as an individual and worthy of love and respect. Your revenge will be that you will come out on top by living well!
The best revenge is to live well and don't look back!
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.