In a previous post entitled 'Reasons why some friendships die when a couple split up' I talked about how I have effectively been excluded from the wider social group since the affair became public knowledge. There are various reasons which I mentioned such as family and friendship ties to the affair couple. Also, I feel, people do feel awkward towards the betrayed spouse and I feel that is down to embarrassment: they just don't know what to say. What can they say? they can only offer their sympathies, but I am sure that on some level they feel that is futile because they cannot truly fathom the depths of pain and anger that the betrayed spouse is feeling. If you show pain, rage and anger, which I did, you are practically viewed as someone that should be given a wide berth. Which is tragic, and what is even more tragic is if you do show the pain that you are feeling it is almost fuel to the affair couple. It justifies to them and they justify it to the whole world as to why you were dumped in the first place: you are seen as insane and not in pain!!
I also feel that as most adults socialise as couples if you are the singleton amongst the group you are either viewed as a bit of liability or a potential threat. Think about it: a single female on some level screams availability to some men out there. I say this because I have been approached by a couple of men who are married!!! Under no circumstances would I go there. I don't even know their wives and I would never do that to another woman at all. Also I know that when I was out at social gatherings with my ex and my ex-friend she would subtly make a play for him. As time progressed and we were at even more social gatherings her behaviour become bolder and bolder to the point that it was downright brazen. So much so that other people could clearly see what her intentions were. It made me feel awkward and angry. I knew her marriage was over and she saw herself as a single woman and because of that she felt she had the right to pursue her next catch. More fool me for not putting my foot down earlier! (but that is another story).
The fallout of affairs are truly widespread and it doesn't truly end when the affair becomes public. If anything, it sets of various chains of events that are far reaching and detrimental and this post only looks at one of them, and that is the friendship angle. Are there any readers out there who have felt that the impact of an affair has effected their relationships with their wider social group? I'd be interested to find out.
Affairs can leave you feeling alone and isolated.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.