I hate the term 'moving on' when a life changing event alters your course and sends you off on another direction. It's easy for those to use that term when they haven't (luckily for them) not experienced anything that has shattered their world. With regards to an affair, I prefer the idea of adjusting and adapting to a new reality because that is what it is . You cannot change the past, as much as you would like to and you cannot switch off the stream of emotions that come from an affair. However, there comes a point where you reach a crossroads and have to decide whether this trauma is going to define you and the rest of your life. Don't get me wrong, it will always be there. It is now written into my life story but I am trying to make sure that its dominance has less of a presence than it does at the moment. It has clouded my view of friendships and relationships. Unfortunately, there are some people in this world that you just cannot trust and who will do you harm to further their own agenda. That's what happened to me and it is a fact of life and a painful one at that. On the flip side, though, there are those who are there for you in your most darkest of hours who ride the roller coaster of pain and grief with you. It is those I feel now I should give my time and love to. In some ways I have been blessed to experience this sense of love and compassion. By concentrating on that, it dulls the pain of heartache and lessens the 'importance' of my ex and ex-friend to the point where they are beginning to matter less and less.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.