For the moment, I have got to navigate these waters alone.
The dust is beginning to settle and what is left is a wreckage that I feel cannot be repaired. We are all in our newly assigned roles! My ex and ex-friend together (just living round the corner! quite unhappily I hear!), my ex friend's ex-husband and his new partner (also living round the corner, relatively happy I hear!). The children to and fro' between both places and me, well, I am on my own. I can cope with that and I wonder whether I am actually in a better position than all of them. The reason being is that although they are all in new 'relationships' none of them have had that time out on their own when their previous relationships crumbled. It was literally out of the frying pan and into the fire for them, I feel. Whereas me, I was unceremoniously dumped and doubly betrayed and basically told to get on with it! Looking back that was absolutely horrific but if I had decided to enter into another relationship in that state of mind and with all the grief that resulted from the horrible affair situation, it would have been a disaster. Furthermore, it would have been unfair to bring in another person into such a toxic mix. I wouldn't have even been able to begin the process of healing because my mind body and soul would have been focussed elsewhere i.e another relationship. I now understand when they say that a relationship on the rebound can never work. You are in no fit state to connect to another person when you have been temporarily broken by someone else! My aim is to build a new foundation for my child and myself and only from there could I even contemplate letting someone else into both of our lives.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.