I have just been reading one of my old posts and probably one of the most important post of this blog. It is entitled 'D-Day'. It was written on the 14th April 2013 not long after I found out about the affair of my now ex partner and my now ex-friend and it is no understatement to say that it was an absolute turning point in my life.
To this day, I will never truly understand why the affair happened for such a long time under my nose. Looking back and reading that there is one thing that truly jumps out at me and it is the fact that they had been seeing each other for over a year.
So for that year the two of them looked me in the eye day in day out knowing what they were doing. My ex was truly awful to me during that time. He was moody and aggressive and wasn't responsive to any kindness from me at all. The more I tried the more he withdrew from me. My ex-friend, on the other hand, was the most sincere she had ever been in our 'friendship'. Prior to that she had been moody and bordering on the aggressive. It wasn't a pleasant experience being around her at all. I knew her marriage was on the rocks so when she changed from being aggressive to being 'sincere' I thought one of two things: either her marriage was back on track or she had met someone else. I said this to my now ex and his response was 'are you trying to make me jealous?'. What a fool I was! I should have realised straight away by that remark that he was up to something with her! Instead, I thought what a strange thing to say!
When they finally got caught out, they were already ahead in the game. They had their plan and they were going to follow it through i.e to be together. I, on the other hand, had no time whatsoever to comprehend and adjust to a truly awful situation that was thrust upon myself and my child. Instead, I was told to 'get over it and move on!'. Absolutely, disgusting! I still feel angry but the rage is subsiding somewhat and is not clouding my emotions so much.
The problem now is that when I do think about the situation, which is a lot, it makes me realise how truly awful the whole thing was and still is. To compound it even further this ex-friend has resumed going to church! It has been said to me by this ex-friend that I should be thankful to God because there are far worse things happening in the world. I don't doubt that for a second however, as a 'Christian', ex-friend needs to be aware that one of the commandments is 'thou shall not commit adultery'.
Indeed, it is one of those sins in the bible where it is mentioned twice, i.e don't think about it and don't do it! Some people do horrible things and to live themselves they twist and defy logic to make out that their wrong doings really isn't wrong at all. That's exactly what this person has done and continues to do so.
I sometimes wonder how her ex-husband must feel about her marital infidelity. For him, like me, he must feel awful and to know that the affair with my ex was an emotional one too. Marital infidelity and emotional affairs cause so much pain and this situation the two protagonists have caused so much pain to so many people. What a truly awful people they are!
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.