What everyone ought to know about one aspect of an affair is that the ripple effects are far reaching. It's not only the break up of a relationship, which in itself is very painful, but also friendships can be destroyed by it too. My situation is particularly awful because friends and family who had a connection to them but were also my friends now have nothing to do with me now. Some of it is of my doing. I couldn't maintain contact with my ex-friend's family. How could I? Their loyalty is to her on the basis that she is their kin and the same for my ex. His family has a loyalty to him. However, they all know that the entire situation is wrong and there isn't a spin that they can put on it to justify it. All they can do is watch from the sidelines.
I know there is a great deal of pity for me and that really annoys me because it compounds the pain and humiliation I feel from what they have done. Even my betrayers pity me on the basis that they have found 'love' and that my ex-friend 'hopes that I will find happiness like she has!' What do you do when faced with such a comment from a former friend?
Well, I will tell you one thing, you cannot act on instinct because that will cause a lifetime of grief and you will be the one paying for it whilst they carry on with their lives. Also in this situation you find out who your friends are. In my case a lot of them who were associated with my betrayers have marched with their feet and maintained contact with them.
Again, it's probably more out of a sense of awkwardness because I have to all intents and purposes been cast adrift. There's nothing worse than a single person in a social group that consists of all couples. People feel awkward especially if that single person has an agenda to get a new partner. I know I felt awkward when my ex-friend was at parties and get togethers that I attended with my then partner. Even though she was still with her husband it was common knowledge that she did not want him and wanted a divorce.
She would constantly hang around my now ex at these get togethers and the more I allowed it the more brazen she became to the point that she was openly flirting with him right in front of me.
Don't be naive like me! If a friend openly flirts in front of your man she has an agenda to get him and she isn't being too subtle about it either! Looking back I should have confronted her from the moment my suspicions were aroused. Maybe that would have knocked it on the head and it wouldn't have developed to what it did. Who knows? One thing is for certain I won't let another situation like that arise if I get into another relationship.
To cope with the rage and grief from what has happened I have written a series of eBooks on the subject three, which are part of a series, are called: The Vision, The Pious Whore and The Seeds of an Affair which are available on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes & Noble and Nook.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.