I have just stumbled upon a great video on YouTube that looks at setting boundaries. It is brilliant. In essence it says boundaries are the lines that separates you from different aspects of the world around you. For example, your front door to your home is a boundary. You can cross it as and when you please. However, if someone comes to that door they need your permission/invitation to cross that boundary. This way of thinking can be applied to relationships and affairs and there are three important aspects, I feel, to this:
1. A marriage / relationship is between two people (obviously). A third party that hovers around the boundaries of that relationship i.e the OM or OW has no respect or concept that that boundary should not be crossed.
2. To cross that boundary is a trespass into a territory that is not designed for three people! It also shows a lack of respect to the person who is been deceived by the trespasser as well as the person who is having an affair with the trespasser.
3. Boundaries are a clear indication of where you can and cannot cross with regards to another person. To not cross boundaries shows a respect and understanding of them. To cross them, though, shows the complete opposite and causes the utmost chaos and devastation. That's why affairs are so damaging and traumatic.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.