As mentioned in my previous post entitled 'Betrayal and infidelity' betrayal goes hand in hand with affairs and infidelity. However, I feel, it is the pain of betrayal that cuts the deepest. For me that feeling of betrayal cut to the core of my being. Prior to all of this, the two people I trusted were going behind my back having their secret affair. What a thrill that must have been for the two of them! People who have affairs are in their own secret bubble!
Looking back, the fact that they were sleeping together seems almost irrelevant to me now. What pains me and continues to do so is that the two of them, especially her, looked me in the eye day in and day out knowing what she was doing. A lot of the time she knew when I was working (the reason being was that they could arrange their dates when I was not at work so that I could look after my child). At the time I used to think how does she know that? It's obvious to me now! but at the time, I thought it strange.
What also pains me now is when I would drop my child off at hers and she would open the door and smile so sweetly. She seemed genuinely happy to see me. That is how I perceived it. Little did I know that that smile was masking her devious behaviour. Believe me, people, she played a blinder. Her acting skills were second to none. If there was an Oscar for a behaviour so deviant that it could fool absolutely everyone, she would have won it hands down! And that is what hurts because on a very deep level this person, who, I thought, was my friend, was taking me for such a fool. Not only was she sleeping with my partner and looking after my child she was also being paid by me all the while she was having an affair.
When it comes down to it, it is appalling when your other half has an affair because the breach of trust is so painful it physically hurts. To have that betrayal of trust breached again with someone you presume is a close friend almost goes beyond physical pain: quite literally it rips your soul apart.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.