In an earlier post called 5 reasons why you will survive an affair I made a reference in one of the points about the importance of valuing yourself. I should have explored this point in a bit more detail. The reason being is that your self esteem takes a severe battering when you have been exposed to the trauma of an affair. It's almost two and half years now since D-Day for me and it is only now that I am beginning to feel a slight lift in my self esteem. Where this has come from, I can't exactly say, but what I do know is from D-Day until very recently I have experienced a myriad of emotions. However, it's not so much a case of up and down more like a case of down and down. The more I pondered on the affair the more I blamed myself. It felt like the OW had won a competition and that she had one over on me. She was instrumental in destroying my relationship and my family. How do you combat that?! Contact between us has been at a bare minimum however, as stated previously, she decided to contact me by text and give me a long lecture on how to behave!!! I kept it for a while as example and a reminder of her deluded self and that she truly cannot be for real. Unfortunately for me, she is! However, today I decided to delete it. To have that text was like a trigger that was constantly upsetting me. Also, more importantly, I cannot give her the power that she so craves by getting into any form of dialogue with her. She is so tainted on so many levels that to have contact with her is almost like a form of contamination. I cannot have that and when I really thought about it logically, what she feels and thinks means nothing.
She is a disgrace to her Christian faith so her words on any issue regarding morality and how to behave carry no weight whatsoever if anything it is laughable. The OW in this scenario is truly a tragic soul indeed and although I maybe hurting I will not be going to my grave with such a disgusting stain on my character and conscience. This belief spurs me on even further along the road to recovery and healing. I have to keep my head up and try and let some light in to my life now. To help me further along the road to recovery, I have stumbled upon this great read whilst doing my ongoing research on infidelityClick Here! for more information. In the meantime, I maybe down but I am far from out!
Time to let in the light!
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.