We form friendships with people that we like and with people that we feel we have a lot in common with. For those friendships that become close ones, they are likely to be based on core common values. Therefore, if the OW was your friend, as was the case with me, your world will be thrown into utter turmoil. For the first couple of years I was consumed with an anger that I had never known. So much so it left me disorientated. I could not truly focus on day to day tasks because of this disorientation. Now three years in, the anger is still there but not with the intensity that it had previously. I believe that is nature's way of saying that if you keep it up it will destroy you! Also, I have been able to develop some form of clarity and focus with regards to her. In this situation, I was extremely unlucky in my choice of 'friend'. Basically, I was taken in and deceived by her. I believed we shared the same common values and the fact that she was a regular church goer I held her and her views in greater esteem than my own! Can you believe that? Furthermore, I am blaming myself less and less for what she did to me (eventually I aim to not carry any blame). I don't have a skewed moral compass as she does. I know what is right and wrong when it comes to boundaries and other people's relationships and that is you don't cross them and interfere when it is not your place to do so. For those out there who have experienced or are experiencing this please refrain from giving her your power and energy. You are going to feel angry and you are justified in doing so but don't let it consume or dominate your life in the long run. Your victory will come in time and that victory will come with you having a better and more fulfilling life than hers. A life well lived is the best revenge you could have. I have an audio book and an ebook out called 'Don't give her your power!' available on Amazon and Audible. If I can help one person with then I am happy.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.