From a Christian perspective if it is written that you don't commit adultery how do you justify it to yourself when you have? I am trying to understand the OW perspective in this situation who happens to be a 'Christian' (not a good thing as those who have experienced the pain and humiliation of an affair. The last thing you should do is give any head space to the OW but that is a very difficult thing to do!). Anyway, a couple of her arguments as to why she did what she did was that she had stopped having sex with her husband and because of that physical detachment she felt she had grounds to have sex outside her marriage! She actually said to me if you stop having sex there is no going back! Surely, if the spark was gone in that department you would seek marriage counselling to try and regain that lost ground? Another argument was that she was fed up of the week in week out struggle that they had had financially. After years of staying at home with the children she was asked by her now ex-husband to get a part-time job to help out as he was struggling to do it by himself. I vaguely remember her reaction when she was asked to do so and it was one of exasperation as if she shouldn't be working at all. Now with the above mentioned arguments I see a connection and that is she didn't want to try and save her marriage. She had checked out of it and wasn't looking back. As soon as she had made that decision it made it easier for her to look elsewhere with the minimum amount of guilt. It was just unfortunate for me that I and my family were around her at time that proved to be so fortunate for her when she made that decision. My now ex was open to her flirtations and flattery and he had a little bit of money. Added to the fact that I was her friend made it so easy for her to cross boundaries (see post about boundaries). Don't get me wrong, he is just as bad to have done what he did. He too is guilty of destroying another family and he will have to live with that if he has a conscience and I know that he has. Going back to her, she must have felt that her prayers were answered all at once when she embarked upon the affair, but were they? With what has followed since their 'love story' became public she has unwittingly opened a Pandora's box!
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.