I hear from a couple of sources that my ex is feeling disgust with himself and his affair partner (who he now lives with!) over his actions i.e the affair. He says that every day the thought of what he had done weighs heavy on his mind and that looking at her compounds his feeling of disgust. I personally feel that his guilt is now at the forefront of his mind. Furthermore, his choice to move in with her was made when the two of them were in the affair 'fog' state of mind. I think they truly believed that now that the affair was now out in the open they could now present themselves to the world as a 'normal' couple. The fact that two families were destroyed and two ex's effectively dumped by the wayside didn't really come into play when they made that decision. Fast forward not too far into the future. I now have an ex who is wondering what to do to make amends with regards to the situation that he has created. Unfortunately, there is nothing he can do. Their appalling choices have affected so many people and now he realises that and is at a loss as to what to do. At the height of all the pain and grief he said to me quite gleefully, "Why don't you F&*K off out of everyone's lives!" Nice! Well my retort to that is why don't you heed your own words!
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.