As a follow on to my previous post about listening to your inner voice I decided to let it have its say this evening. I went out with my parents and my child to watch an evening dance production. The thought of the affair and infidelity was not utmost on my mind, which was very unusual indeed. Instead I concentrated on the present and how it made me feel, which was strangely quite good.
The weather there was absolutely glorious and the atmosphere in the theatre was jubilant. Strangely, I felt a sense of peace and that things will be alright. It was almost like the light at the end of the tunnel was beginning to break through. My inner voice was saying to me step back and be in the moment; enjoy your surroundings; enjoy the weather and most importantly, enjoy the company you are with. I haven't felt like this in a long time.
Oddly enough before the affair if you were to put me in the exact same situation, which I have just described, I would have enjoyed the evening and the show but without that sense of being truly present in the moment. What I am trying to say is that the pain and rage that has been experienced as a result of the affair bought me to the absolute depths of despair. Now that I beginning to slowly come out of it I am also beginning to understand what it is like to feel a sense of living in the moment. It has on some level reinvigorated me and I just quite can't believe it! I suppose that belief is true to truly enjoy the highs you have to had experienced the lows.
...Why does the pain of an affair hurt so much? That question can only be truly answered by those who have experienced it, and as someone who has, I hope this blog can offer some insight to the agony that you are facing.